Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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