Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
