I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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