I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
