the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
