Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize