And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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