The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
