Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
