pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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