I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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