and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i think my tv is drunk
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
