You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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