I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
