What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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