I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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