I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
