I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
