I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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