he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
