Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
