we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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