Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize