Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Every concussion has its silver lining
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
