My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
