apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
God, I missed his penis.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
