do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
