Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Mom said you looked used
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
