I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
