Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
