So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
