I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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