Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
