Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
