Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
