you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
