Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
