4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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