he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
