I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
