Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Randomize
