somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
