they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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