theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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