Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
