I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
