Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
