Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
FUCK WHALES
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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