she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
