I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
