Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
