just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
