I hope mine doesn't look like that
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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