five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
