it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize