he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
