just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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