yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YAS. BRING CRAB.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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