Quick, to the slutcave!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
