I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize