it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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