I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
