From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
